My son is approaching 10 years old. Is it safe to let him go call on his friends to go out and play, sans parents? If I let this happen, am I a bad, uncaring parent? Of course not! But the 'norm' these days seems to be to not let your children out of your sight until they are teenagers. I think this is incredibly sad. I think it creates a sense of fear in kids. That and a dependency upon their parents for everything, including looking left and right when crossing a road. How, I wonder, is that good for children?
I have wonderful memories of a fun, adventure-filled and carefree childhood, where on Saturday mornings, my Dad would be working downstairs in our pet shop on the Fulham Road in South West London - we lived in the flat above. Mum would be out at Northend Road markets getting the weekly shopping and my brother and I would be free to amuse ourselves all day. I often would have arranged with my best friend Vicky Brown, that we'd meet up at Hurlingham Park to play. I'd fix up a packed lunch, usually a marmite sandwich and a pack of sesame snaps, strap it to the back of my bike and peddle off for the 15 minutes ride across south west London to meet her. No helmet back then either. At the park we'd play happily all day long, mucking about and exploring in the places no one went. There was a massive stadium next to the park's car park, in the sports grounds and as it was closed up for much of the year, we would find a way to climb in and hang out under the seating, making a den or looking for evidence of sinister goings on, scaring ourselves silly! Some other days, we'd 'break in' to the prestigious Hurlingham Club nearby by climbing over the fence that backed onto the river Thames, right next to the flats Vicky lived in. It was a precarious job, swinging onto the trees on the other side of the fence, scrambling up the bank and then climbing over the inner perimeter fence into the Club's undergrowth and sneaking in without being spotted. Such fun! Other days, we'd play outside in the gardens of Vicky's flats and often in the extensive passageways that ran beneath the flats, where people locked up their bicycles and stored bulky items. We were convinced the passageways were haunted so there was lots of running, screaming and giggling going on! And sometimes we'd cycle round to our friend Catriona's and call for her. She lived in between our homes, near to Parsons Green so the three of us would cycle to the Green to play together.
I reckon Vicky and I were about 9-ish at the time. So long as I was home by 5pm, all was well and I'd sit with my family watching Morcambe & Wise on the telly, eating my Mum's ritualistic Saturday night chicken curry (still my favourite meal in the world today). They were happy days.
So that's the kind of freedom I want for my son. This weekend my partner and I decided this was a good time as his best friend was over to stay and they're both pretty level headed boys. They were itching to get out in the sunshine and so we let them call on a friend, with strict instructions that on coming home, they were to use the traffic lights to cross the big main road. All was well, they had fun and came home when we'd asked them to. The next day they wanted to go call on their friend again, which I thought a great idea, otherwise they'd be stuck with me at home while I did washing and cooking etc. I decided I should just call my son's friends mum just to let her know and check she was ok with it, realising I should have done this yesterday. She was not ok with it and nor was her husband. I confessed that we'd let him do it the day before and they were then keen to come and collect him from me. I felt terrible and their son was bemused as to why he wasn't allowed and of course, embarrassed too. The little park they'd wanted to go to play at required just one small, quiet back road to be crossed and was at most a 4 minute walk away. I am pleased to say, however, that my son's other friend, who the boys had called on before, is allowed to do the same and his mother's of the same frame of mind as me and thinks it's time her son made this step.
It's scary for a parent, but you have to help them to grow up, that's the job of a parent. We are here to look after our kids but that also includes the fundamental part about teaching them life skills and helping them learn how to become confident people in a tough world. They need to be made aware of the dangers and how to deal with them, not fearful and doubtful of their own abilities to cope in the world.
So parents, please think about taking your kids out and teaching them how to cross roads safely, encouraging them and building their confidence and self esteem. Give them some freedom to develop as children, to explore the world around them, to have adventures with their friends, to learn for themselves that if they fall over yes it hurts and then it gets better. I promise you they will grow into happy, confident individuals with plenty of self esteem. And wonderful memories of their childhood.
